Shamanic Work

A few weeks ago, I did a soul retrieval session with Blaire. What was really cool about this session is she just talked to me for a few minutes, and then journeyed on her own. She came back to me (on zoom) within about 30 minutes to share what she had seen.

Her experience was spot on. She came back to me with all kinds of descriptions about what her journey was like. And little things like - the color of the curtains she saw as she entered - were significant in my life and my family. Specifically, we were working with soul contracts, the subconscious agreements I have made in this life, and we were working with familial contracts that have been in my lineage for some time.

She saw three, the first two, were so clear. I was immediately like, yep, that’s me. But the last one was a little more challenging for me to decipher. So she sat with me for a while as we worked through what it could mean, and how to transform it. She walked me through a couple of exercises that opened up what that contract actually meant to me, and how I embody it. Then, over the next few days, I had a few assignments to do on my own, and she checked in along the way.

Here’s the biggest piece that I discovered. The contract that felt challenging to me was, “I destroy.” At first I was confused, because I’ve always felt pretty passive. I’ve felt like others destroy me, if anything. So as we looked at it, I saw a bunch of things. I saw how my experience with others destroying me had me feel afraid of being my full self, for fear of destroying them. I saw how my body goes in to automatic protection, to avoid the inevitable destruction. And in that protection, there are lies, that keep me trapped in this cycle. Specifically, I saw how my parents did this, and how I learned to love via this overprotection, instead of honest care. And when we worked on it, I saw that, for me, the opposite of destroy was ‘honesty’.

My new contract became “I am honest,” and this, mixed with the whole experience of Blaire holding me in the process, allowed me to see new possibility which I had not seen before. It allowed me to see that I can actually be passionate and strong and firm on what I believe, without pushing on others, or creating some sort of power over them. It allowed me to see that there is a world outside of victim - predator - rescuer that I had not seen before. One where I am neither oppressed nor oppressing, but I can have strong values and be clear about who I am.

I guess, ultimately, my old contract had me tied to a nasty way of ego - all about being “better than” (or inevitably feeling worse than). But this experience opened up a new sense of self. A new way of being clear with who I am and what I believe in, without harming others, or myself.

Ultimately, it showed me that there is a lot of healing to do in my family, my lineage, and myself, but it shifted that experience out of the conversation of good or bad, and into the world of possibility and truth.

Since then, I have been navigating and integrating this. It still comes up, but it’s much more clear when it’s present, and new ways of being are unfolding.
Blaire was absolutely amazing. She was there for me throughout the whole process. At one point, she asked me if I wanted to re-write the contracts with her, or alone, and when I said with her, she stayed and worked on them with me for as long as I needed. She was such a great space holder for me to have my own realizations, but simultaneously gave spirit-driven nudges in the direction I needed.
Jessie Levine
Embodiment Coach and Practitioner